The Difference Between Values and Goals: Why One Leads To A Better Life

One of the fundamental principles I work with clients on is developing and understanding their core values and putting the importance on this instead of just making goals. While setting goals and completing them can be healthy, merely relying on goals can lead to a lot of confusion and frustration. What happens once you reach a goal or, even worse, what happens when you don't? Understanding the distinction between values and goals is crucial for personal growth and fulfillment. This differentiation not only affects how we set our intentions but also influences the overall quality of our lives and our experiences.

Goals

Goals are akin to specific destinations we aim to reach, providing a sense of direction and achievement. They are often measurable and time-bound, allowing us to track our progress and celebrate milestones along the way. For example, setting a goal to run a marathon or to achieve a certain position in our careers can serve as powerful motivators that push us to strive for excellence. It is important, however, to recognize that while goals can inspire us to take action, they can also lead to disappointment when unmet. The pressure to achieve these goals can sometimes overshadow the journey itself, causing stress and anxiety. If you only look forward to getting to the end of your hike, you miss all the beauty along the way.

Moreover, even upon the attainment of these goals, individuals may find themselves feeling unfulfilled or questioning the significance of their achievements. This phenomenon occurs when the goals pursued do not align with one's deeper sense of self or core values. For instance, someone may reach a career goal that society deems prestigious, only to realize that it does not resonate with their personal values of creativity and freedom. This misalignment can lead to a sense of emptiness, as the individual grapples with the realization that their achievements do not reflect what they genuinely care about. This can lead to people questioning their happiness, despite having all the items on their "list".

Values

In contrast, values serve as our internal compass, guiding our actions and decisions regardless of the outcomes we encounter. Values are deeply held beliefs that shape our priorities and influence our behaviors. They infuse our lives with purpose, providing a framework through which we interpret our experiences and navigate the complexities of life. For example, values such as integrity, compassion, and authenticity can guide individuals in making choices that align with their true selves, even in the face of adversity. When we are clear about our values, we are better equipped to handle challenges with resilience. Instead of becoming disheartened by setbacks, we can view them through the lens of our values, enabling us to respond in ways that are consistent with who we are. This alignment fosters a sense of inner peace and satisfaction, as we engage in actions that resonate with our beliefs and ideals.

Understanding core values can be a difficult challenge. When first asked, many of my clients look puzzled and struggle to think of core values. Modern society puts less of an emphasis on values and more on reaching goals. This has led to us living driftless lives only focused on the next goal and not living a genuine life. Establishing values also allows for self-reflection on current behaviors. Some people may list "Family" as a value, but upon self-reflection realize they spend too much time at work, missing out on precious time with their loved ones. Another person may list "Health" as a value, but realize they eat poorly or frequently skip the gym.

The Importance of Alignment

Ultimately, aligning our actions with our core values ensures that we pursue not just what we want, but also what truly matters to us. This alignment creates a harmonious life where our goals are not merely external markers of success, but reflections of our inner selves. When our goals are informed by our values, the pursuit becomes more meaningful, and the journey itself is enriched. For instance, if someone values community service, setting goals related to volunteering or creating social impact initiatives will likely result in a greater sense of fulfillment. In contrast, pursuing a goal that conflicts with personal values—such as a job that requires unethical behavior—can lead to internal conflict and dissatisfaction, regardless of the external success achieved.

How To Identify Your Values

Taking the time to look at yourself and really determine your core values is a daunting task, often uncovering a few things you may not like to see about yourself. Nevertheless, identifying your values is a crucial step to living a fulfilling life and finding true contentment. Some possible examples of values are:

• Authenticity - Living genuinely and being true to your word

• Kindness - Showing compassion to those around you

• Honesty - Having integrity and speaking the truth

• Family/Friends - Spending quality time with those you love

• Health - Taking care of your physical and mental health

• Spirituality - Finding a connection with something bigger than you

Once you have identified your core values (3 or 4), it is now time to look at your behaviors and thought patterns to see if they align with values. Look at some of the goals you may have set in the past and see if they truly represent what you hold important. With core values identified, many people find it much easier to make changes to their lives to fit with these values. Life becomes less about reaching goals and tracking progress and more about living a life which truly represents you.

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